Cretan Diary - Chapter 3

Leaving Thoughts (Mike)

Thursday 10th September - 12:17am

Gosh, the first two chapters are rather heavy! I hope, once we are ensconced on the sunny isle, that we'll "lighten up" and tell you lively and humorous tales of island life. Or maybe we'll just moan about the bureaucracy, our lack of money and the autumn weather! (Did I mention that the UK tax office thinks I owe £20,000 payable in January? I'll have to take out another loan!)

My office is finally starting to look a little bare as most items have been packed into boxes. Unfortunately, I'm leaving a lot of 'tat' behind for Carl to dispose of. My main computer has been packaged and I'm now using my older, slower (1.4GHz) G4 tower. Quite a few "things" didn't work so I've spent much of today reinstalling and looking up passwords. It's still a bit flakey but I need it to work only for a couple more days, then I'll copy the recent stuff onto my new 500GB "Passport" pocket Hard-Drive and stash it with my Apple iBook laptop, ready for boarding the flight early Tuesday morning.

Blooming bureaucracy!

Prudential

I had to contact my Insurance company about my emigrating. Their web site produced an error message in both Safari and Firefox. I have tried Setting Safari's "Develop" menu to emulate Exploder v6 but still can't get their email form to display correctly or to work at all. I wrote a snail mail letter to point this out and here's their response:

"Thank you for your letter dated 29 August 2009.

I am sorry you have experienced problems with accessing our on-line Mail system.

When we set up our Mail system, Internet Explorer was the predominant browser and we have no plans at present to change this browser. Unfortunately this means that you may not be able to use our Mail system with other browsers.

It may be possible to download an attachment for Internet Explorer through Firefox using the foilowing site https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1419 We have not tested this and have no responsibility for it. If you choose to take this action you will do so entirely at your own risk.

Unfortunately it is not feasible for us to send correspondence to you by email. We will maintain the above address on our records for correspondence. blah blah blah..."

(On the web site it states that Exploder v6 must be used. Anyone out there using that old version?) I have many web sites and I've checked the statistics for each of them. It seems that, on average, less than 50% of visitors are using Internet Exploder and, of those, probably only 20% are still using Exploder v6. Everybody knows about the security risks that I.E. poses so only the very stupid or very ignorant are still using it.

But here is a large insurance company which is demanding that its customers use an outdated browser. Not only that but the web site is deliberately designed to be non-compliant with the W3C standard!

Our Policy http://www.pru.co.uk/accessibility/

"Prudential is committed to providing a website that is accessible for all our customers. We are currently working hard to make our site more accessible to all user groups and have invested in consultancy with a specialist company to understand how best to do this."

Yeah, right!

Later I received another letter thanking me for the change of address and enclosing two "Change of address" forms for me to use. How many times do they think I'm going to move? It also suggested that I could contact them using their "PruMail on-line messaging service!

Barclays

As I'll be out of the country but still paying bills in the UK, I decided that it would be a good idea to appoint our son as signatory so he can sign cheques on my behalf. In the old days it would have been necessary simply to drag him down to the bank and get his signature. In fact, as he already has an account, it would have been necessary only to make a phone call.

Well, things have changed!

I visited my local branch and the helpful girl made a phone call; then another; then another. Finally, sick of watching her listen to music-on-hold, I suggested that she give me the number and I would go home and listen to the music. She looked very relieved and scribbled down the number for me.

Barclays automated answering service must have been faulty because I was speaking to a human being within 2 rings! He listened to my explanation then said he would send out the "Mandate Pack". This sounded ominous but I accepted the offer, graciously.

It arrived a few days later. A letter and seven sheets comprising the forms that my son and I had to complete and sign. We did so and posted them off in the large "Freepost" envelope provided.

Ten days later the whole pack was returned to me with a letter, which I'll reproduce here for your delight and edification, with their mistakes highlighted in red:

Dear Mr xxxxxx Ref: 60367174 Thank you for your recent request to change the Mandate on the above account. Unfortunately we are unable to process your request at present, as we require the following information. The Signature of Mike xxxxxx in section 2 of the Appointment of Bankers form and section 3 of the Authority for Third Party to Sign form does not match with our records. Please confirm if the signature of Mike xxxxxx has changed overtime and if you would like us to update our record with the new signature, if not please cross out the earlier signature and obtain Mike xxxxxx's signature as per 65 5107* All amendments need to be initialled by Owner (Mike xxxxx (spelt incorrectly)). We are unable to proceed with your application until the Authority for Third Party to Sign form is correctly completed. The signature of Carl xxxxxx in Section 2 of the Authority for Third Party to sign form does not match the signature on the Personal Details form. Please cross out the signature in Section 2 of the Authority for third Party to sign form and obtain his/her signature to match with Personal Details form. All amendments need to be initialled by Owner (Mike xxxxx (spelt incorrectly) ). Once the above documents have been received the change of mandate will be completed within 10 working days and the new mandate will be in place. If we do not hear from you within 14 days we will assume you no longer require this mandate to be changed and we will revert to the existing mandate. We look forward to hearing from you shortly, but in the meantime if you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact us on the number below. Mandates Maintenance Team 0845 300 3971

My reply was brief and remarkably restrained:

Dear Mandates Maintenance Team (unsigned). With regard to your letter Ref: 60367174 dated 10-SEP-2009 I can confirm that the signature of Mike xxxxxx in section 2 of the Appointment of Bankers form and section 3 of the Authority for Third Party to Sign form is indeed mine. It may have changed over time, since I was nineteen when I opened the account and I am now fifty eight years old. I can also confirm that the signature of Carl xxxxxx in Section 2 of the Authority for Third Party to sign form was made by my son in my presence. You can, of course, check these signatures by comparing them with those on cheques that we have signed in recent years, which you have honoured. If you write to me again, please have the courtesy to include your name. Kind Regards,

I took the "pack" to my local branch of Barclays and got the nice girl behind the counter to write a note on a Bank Letterhead slip to confirm that I really am me. While I was there she checked my current signature with the one on her computer screen. "They are almost identical!", she exclaimed. I sealed the envelope and shoved it into a Post Box on the way back to my car.

Blood Pressure

Amazingly, my blood pressure has remained low. My osteopath (a wonderful guy who is also called Mike) checks it at each visit and it's still around 120/85. I don't understand the figures but, apparently, I'm not going to die from blood pressure just yet.

However, the worrying thing is that everyone (expats) tells me that Greek bureaucracy is worse than British! This is a frightening fact for one who loathes form-filling and can't actually understand Greek. I can read the words quite nicely but I can't put any meaning to them, yet. That's another job on my list of things to do when we get there.

Male / Female Differences

Having read this far (or simply skimmed through - I don't blame you), you may have noticed a subtle difference between the things that concern me and the things that concern Jenny. She thinks about important things such as family, relationships and practical matters such as what clothes we shall need, cosmetics and soap. (I probably missed something important there.) I get involved with computers, business matters, money and blooming bureaucracy. I won't think about stuff like underpants and socks until I open the drawer and discover there aren't any!

So I want to make it clear that I love my wife and everything she does for me. I think we make a good team. She looks after the important things while I don't. I have no idea why she puts up with me. Maybe she's just using me as a one-way ticket. There are lots of handsome Cretan guys who know nothing about computers or cars or electronics or satellite TV or ... stuff.

Medical

Just to recap - The gold crown on my wisdom tooth fitted perfectly. I insisted on NO injection because it was a fairly simple matter to prise off the temporary plastic crown and fit the gold one. It was fairly painless, although the blasts of cold air made me jump!

The osteopath appointment was pleasant, as usual. It's rather nice to have a man-to-man talk, while having a massage!

The doctor cut away the tiny lump inside my lip. The injection was like a bee sting but the operation itself was painless. The lump was caused by a tooth which protrudes slightly and catches my lip. The wound was cauterised and the lump was sent to the hospital for analysis.

"But it's only a skin flap caused by my tooth catching it!"

"It's routine. Anything I cut off has to be sent for analysis."

And we wonder why the NHS has no money!

The doctor asked if I had any pain killers at home.

"Any Ibuprofen?"

"Nope. Gives me stomach ache."

"Paracetamol?"

"Doesn't work for me. But I have aspirin."

The doctor looked doubtful. "It will hurt when the injection wears off. It's going to feel like a really bad mouth ulcer."

"OK," I replied, nonchalantly. In fact there was no pain whatsoever and it healed very quickly.

Chapter 4 - The Leaving

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